The enormous sign at the front entrance of The Grange proclaims ‘WELCOME’ in LIV Golf’s distinctive font with aquamarine plumage, and on Friday for day one of the second annual golf-, drink-, and music-fest, perhaps 35,000 fans responded don’t mind if they did.
We’re on the first tee, being welcomed to Kaurna Country before inviting Jon Rahm, Sergio Garcia, and Cameron Smith into the amphitheatre to do their thing.
There are many of people here. Continuous music. Smoke fills the air. There’s a loud 10-to-one countdown before fireworks explode into the still early air, and Smith stands forward and smashes his drive right into the trees.
And we’re off, past throngs of spectators who line the first fairway, apparently solely to watch the Famous Men of Golf (if not their golf strokes), including the still bizarrely magnetic Great White Shark Greg Norman, who marches along in his characteristic gait, high-fiving sports fans, kissing babies and just being Greg.
The renowned old TV man Frank Chirkinian, without whom golf holes would not be painted white and we would be adding up golf scores rather than referring to scores as X-under or Y-over, once observed that the camera either loves you or doesn’t.
Chirkinian stated that it adored Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer, and Greg Norman, and that it still does. People simply look at the dude. It is a thing. He’d gotten used to it now. But it must be extremely unusual.
Smith comes to see that his ball has rebounded favourably into the right rough, and the crowd applauds him.
“There was more here last year,” says a volunteer whose job today, like Willie Wonka’s golden ticket, is to observe the marquee group from within the ropes and rake their bunkers.
I don’t want to doubt the man’s maths. However, all 405 metres of the first fairway are lined with sports spectators, several deep. There are a few within.
We skip across the course to the 11th green, where the Ripper team is in attendance. They’ve all completed the 382-metre par-4 in two shots and around the pin by 10 to 20 feet. You might take it for granted, but it’s incredibly terrific golf.
Of course, not in comparison to a PGA Tour tournament or, say, the Australian Open. Yes, it’s just ‘regular’ golf. However, for the average amateur, seeing these supermen up close is awe-inspiring. That’s why they’re anticipating over 100,000 people here over the next three days. Norman recognises it in his waterways.
The LIV people have divided the teams into three-balls, with their captains playing alongside other captains. All of the teams are dressed in matching uniforms, with the Ripper lads wearing navy shirts and beige trousers.
Their caddies also wear the same hues. Nick Pugh, Lucas Herbert’s person, resembles a young Santa Claus crossed with a fit Scandinavian barista wearing Brisbane Broncos-colored Ripper-branded hi-tops.
Not everyone can pull off the look. However, the camera also adores Nicky Pugh.
Not everyone could hit the green, or even hit the ball, from the tee of the par-3 12th hole, known as the’stadium’ or ‘Watering Hole’ hole, which Herbert refers to as “our MCG”.
The raspy-voiced announcer man invites the crowd to create some noise, which they do, albeit it isn’t as rowdy as it could be given that it’s just 30 minutes since the shotgun start and 90 minutes since the first responsible service of alcohol.
Patrons at the $1300 Cellar Door are mostly silent. At least until Matt Jones hits a 20-footer and pings it amid the crowd.
When Marc Leishman makes a birdie on the third of three holes, the crowd roars, though not as loudly as they would at 3pm after being responsibly handed beer.
The Watering Hole is the hottest ticket at The Grange this week, even if the suits in the suites on 18 paid more for their views.
So we wander on, and the golf is fantastic.
Leishman scares the pins on 13 and 14 with chips. Jones nails the flag and is an inch away from an ace at 13. Leishman and Jones shot 8-irons to 10 feet from the same fairway bunker on 15.
Around the greens, they clip wedges from lays like billiard tables. The hands, the bounce, the touch, the spin, the lack of fat and/or thinness are all tough to empathise with.
With that said… Herbert is swinging it around like an unbalanced woodchopper.
He three-putts 12 for a double. He crashes into trees near an orange juice kiosk on 14th Street. His approach is powerful and cuts through the green.
His chip is thinner than Thin Lizzy. His next putt, a 40-footer, misses by six feet. He makes the comeback for a battling, albeit awful, five.
For a man with Chopin’s hands, he is choppin’ it up. He’ll finish one over par, one of only nine players in the 54-man field to do so. He does not contribute to Ripper’s 15-under total, which places him fifth in the team competition behind Torque (20-under) and Iron Heads (19-under).
We return to the Watering Hole to meet Smith and the headline three-ball, where the audience is dense and beery.
Garcia’s walk-up song, “I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller,” is appropriate for all three men’s underwhelming shots, especially Smith’s, which is blocked directly into sand.
Then he nearly sinks his sandie, throws his hat in feigned disdain, and the others on the drink cheer.
Jinichiro Kazuma of Japan scores seven birdies and an eagle for 63, leading by one over Carlos Ortiz (-8) and Danny Lee (-8).
Jones (-6), Leishman (-5) and Smith (-4) are still in contention with 36 holes to play.
Day two of LIV Adelaide begins on Saturday at 11:15 a.m. (Adelaide time).